I understand the concept of SPACE. Can anyone give insight into how to NOT accommodate with many of our well-engrained family practices?
Our daughter will only drink out of certain glasses (gets them on her own), wear certain clothes (washes and cares for them on on her own), use a certain brush/water bottle, charger, etc. and she arranges that on her own.
She uses her feet to open most doors/cabinets, wears long sleeves to touch things (fork, backpack, medicine, book), only uses certain toilets/phones/computers. Only sits in certain places in house or car.
We do accommodate her by not making her ride the bus out of fear that she will not go to school, which we believe is very likely because she hates everything about school. Also, we do not make her do things that our non-OCD children do (ride in the front seat with us, sit on the back porch with us, go on walks with us).
Here's my question: Would Space theory say we have to make her sit in front of the car, make her sit in every chair in the living room, make her use other bathrooms? Making her take action seems different from accommodating her. But maybe I am making excuses.
We do accommodate her preferences to do chores at certain times (e.g., she will only unload dishwasher in evenings after she has showered). We feel grateful we are able to get that done - does it matter what time? I guess I should say it does.
I also recognize I accommodate her by rolling up the car windows when we drive by the school. That is def one I need to stop. She will freak out and then her clothes, the car, me, the backpack, everything with us will be contaminated. That is why I roll them up. I'm tired.
Any advice/encouragement/magic is welcome.
remember the whole concept of SPACE is changes in the accommodations ye make. there is no expectation that she changes you cant make her sit on chairs make her use other bathrooms ... so when she sits in front of car is there another adult that has to sit in the back to accommodate that. you cant make her sit in all the chairs but does someone avoid using specific chairs for fear of a reaction do people move seats to accommodate her. The car window is one you can work on as it will be a change in your behaviour that is I will no longer roll up the window for you ..the whole concept of space stop our accommodation not force her to change her behaviour...Are there accommodations re meals being take to rooms?, School on the bus would be one to tackle when you have had successes with other accommodations first. look and see where you are making accommodations and modification to behaviour and routines and stop them one by one this is where your power is . we cant make her change...
Wanted to add that The Unstuck film website has some great (free) videos specifically for siblings of kids with OCD, and the Unstuck film itself is great to watch with the whole family.
Hi Noelle, seems like you’re all doing pretty well to me - she’s mostly taking care of her own needs and it isn’t causing family conflict. She’s going to school and doing chores and getting her own food/drink! I found that when things start to impact me and my life (or my other kids) then it’s a big clue where to start limiting my accommodations. I think forcing a kid to do (or not do) something is not inline with SPACE Treatment and won’t have the supportive intention and relationship/connection-building effects. Just think about your personal limits.
If you want to brainstorm this with a larger group of parents (and some professionals), I’d encourage you to post in the FB group too. https://www.facebook.com/groups/SPACEtreatmentsupport/?ref=share_group_link