So my daughter has refused to speak to me after giving her the letter. My letter stated that I would not respond to constant texting about her anxiety. This would happen all throughout my work day. But, I also wanted to speak in person and not through text (not part of the letter) and she was not willing to do that so there was not a whole lot of talking going on for around 2 months. Recently I gave in in regards to texting but still not about the anxiety to try and figure out what was going on and she was back and forth. She would state that I ignored her for two months but that it had nothing to do with the letter. It had to do with not listening and ignoring. Again not very clear. It recently came out that it indeed had to do with SPACE and how I was helping. Not helping to her. My question is is it ok to repeatedly tell your child that I am doing this to help. I know it is hard but you can get through it? I am constantly being texted now that "You are hurting me", "This is emotional neglect" and that these are things and abuser would say. I respond with that I know it is hard and that I know you feel you need my help but it is within you and you have continued to get through it on your own. Do you all have any suggestions on how to respond to these things? Thank you.
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Still having an incredibly difficult time. All I keep hearing from my daughter is how hurt she is by all this. She won't physically speak to me. I stopped going to the SPACE trained therapist because in all honesty, it didn't help. I started this on August 25th and my daughter will not accept it. I have told her that it isn't to hurt her. It was all explained in the letter. It also doesn't help because she overheard me and my husband talking yesterday and she is aware that my husband doesn't agree with SPACE. I am truly lost. I don't know what to do anymore.
Thank you both for your reply. I truly find comfort in receiving feedback. Margaret, I understand completely what you said about ping pong and many times I do find the conversation is going nowhere because it's really her trying to convince me that SPACE is wrong. I will have to look into non-violent resistance parenting programme (NVR). Thank you for recommending it. Anne, I did write the letter and the letter stated I would not respond to questions about her anxiety but I felt finally deciding to respond to texts was ok because she was not asking me about the anxiety and rather she was saying things like how hurtful this is. In the past she was texting me: I can't breathe, this is not anxiety, I am dying, etc. Those haven't happened since the letter. I have only gone to one session with a SPACE therapist and it was beneficial having someone who understands the treatment listen to me. I meet with her again on Friday. It truly is a feeling of hopelessness. I am worried that if I don't respond to the ping pong texts she will think I don't care at all. I have repeatedly told her: I am still here. This is support. I understand it is so hard, but you got this. You get through it on your own. I also told her that having a healthy relationship which she says she doesn't does not revolve around anxiety. It doesn't have to be that way. We can talk about other things and when she needs to talk about the anxiety I will be there to tell her she can get through it. Thank you both so very much. It really means the world to me for anyone to take the time to respond to me, because it is really so hard.
I hear how hard you are working at this and well done. part of SPACE is also doing the module on kick back...how do you deal with kick back?...you have told her once that you are doing this for her own good...so stop explaining, stop justifying yourself, you are being invited to a negative cycle of interactions "getting on the escalator" You will not be able to get her to see things from your point of view ,,,let her comments fall to the ground, without you responding, just get on with life don't engage with any negative comment ....even if it goes back to very little talking that is her choice you can't control that...How can you anchor yourself and keep calm when she is kicking off?...how do you stop your self responding to her negative comments...it is like being asked to play ping pong when you don't want to, but when she keeps throwing the ball at you you keep catching it and throwing it back, although you said you don't want to play ...so you are playing ping pong, let the ball fall and watch it drop...SPACE work is not easy. The .biggest part is how do you support yourself to regulate and not engage while you are "riding out the storm" the key thing is that she finds out how to manage herself not you trying to find out what is going on. I hope this makes sense..if you get the opportunity doing the non-violent resistance parenting programme (NVR) would be hugely beneficial to you as it sounds like there is a lot of abuse name calling/not talking to you accusations etc
Sounds tough to stay the course.. You wrote the letter to your daughter stating you won't respond to constant texting about their anxiety and then you gave in after two months. What were your thoughts when you decided to give to texting? What are your thoughts about having a trained therapist in SPACE? It sounds like you need a second pair of eyes and ears to guide you on this journey.