Was hoping for some guidance. After reading the book, I started Space Treatment exactly one month ago today. I used a good example letter from the book as a guide in the one I wrote for my daughter. One of our main issues was constant texting throughout the day with comments such as: This is not anxiety, I am scared, I can't breathe, I am dying, etc. After sharing the letter and my daughter expressing how upset she was about it she stopped speaking with me. Her therapist suggested not texting and speaking in person but she is not willing to do that. After one month of silence I finally gave in and texted her and she texts the same comments: You hurt me, you ignored me, you don't care, etc. I keep sending messages of support back but I am just hopeless on what to do. Todays comment was "I hate you". I have the opportunity to listen to Dr. Lebowitz at a Lecture at the hospital I work at and it brought me to tears. I feel I should hold on but it is so extremely hard.
Can someone please give feedback on the length of time their child was upset and did not want to accept that you would not accommodate anymore? I am getting messages such as "I hate you, you should never have had kids, etc." I meet with a SPACE trained therapist next week, because I am not sure how much longer I can deal with this.
She has stopped therapy. Although I don't agree with her stopping, I know per Dr. Lebowitz that not all therapy works for kids. She has done CBT and it doesn't work for her. She still is not speaking to me, and although I was willing to apologize because she says I hurt her, she is still not accepting the apology. I did tell her this is her choice, she can believe what she would like to, and that we can't control what others do.
Maria, I hear your challenges, but young people will fight extremely hard, tough and abusively (silent treatment) to make sure you keep up the accommodations that are the continuous texting (this is called kickback) . Have you seen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOJRyfPCyW4 this video it will give you great insights? also stopping the accommodations is one part of the equation have you looked at getting a circle of supporters for yourself to help you deal with this kickback...when your daughter is angry and actively ignoring you ...it is important that you lean in self-care and find ways to support you through this emotional journey. what calms you? what relaxes you? so you can hold your stance re "i will no longer accept text from you " but remember we can not have expectations that she will talk to you that is up to her we can't control, her or force her to talk, nor will we try to but you can refuse to respond to texts, you can talk, but have no expectations about responses ...she can talk or refuse to talk you have no control over that. I hope this makes sense.
*had the opportunity