Does anyone have a helpful reply or response to an anxious child who apologizes for everything- including simple requests for help, behavior redirections or simple corrections. I've tried to let her know that there is no need to be sorry for it and then I get more apologies. This feeds into their negative self talk and negative perception. How do I help break this habit?
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I will try that, too. We name anxiety as behing behind other things - and it's behind this, too. But I forget that...thanks!
Good luck! Let us know how it goes
Thank you. This is helpful. I will try it and report back!
Distraction to some other topic can work some of the time but it is also ok to let them know that anxiety is making them feel the need to apologize and that you are going to help them instead of their anxiety. So after having a conversation about it in advance you can plan that when they are starting the apology you will interrupt and say something like 'this sounds like your anxiety apologizing to me again...I know it feels uncomfortable when your anxiety tells you to say I'm sorry but I know you can handle it and the feeling will go away. I'm not going to answer your apology because I'm here to help you!' If it is happening quite frequently you could also limit your responses to just one apology per day for example as a more gradual approach.
Distraction to some other topic can work some of the time but it is also ok to let them know that anxiety is making them feel the need to apologize and that you are going to help them instead of their anxiety. So after having a conversation about it in advance you can plan that when they are starting the apology you will interrupt and say something like 'this sounds like your anxiety apologizing to me again...I know it feels uncomfortable when your anxiety tells you to say I'm sorry but I know you can handle it and the feeling will go away. I'm not going to answer your apology because I'm here to help you!' If it is happening quite frequently you could also limit your responses to just one apology per day for example as a more gradual approach.
I have been working on this, too. My son's counselor is helping me realize that how i react sometimes feeds right into it and draws more attention to it. So now I try thanking him for his apology (when it's a valid one - sometimes they are), giving him a hug and telling him it's all OK. And often I mention something positive about him as a "by the way" to try to leave a positive note on things. Sometimes I ask what he is sorry for (he's 10) and he says "Um, I don't know!" And I get a smile out of him and give him a hug. Other times, I totally deflect or distract. If there is nothing at all to be sorry for and it's just that "reflex" apology, I move past it onto something unrelated, like 'Hey, how is your comic coming?" or "Let's take the dog for a quick walk." Not sure it's a proven method, but it's helping us reduce it!